When Christmas Feels Too Big: Navigating the Festive Season as a Neurodiverse Family

As a neurodiverse mum raising a neurodiverse child, I’ll be honest — Christmas is one of those times of year that can fill me with equal parts excitement and dread.

Don’t get me wrong, I love the magic of it all — the lights, the smell of cinnamon, the cosy evenings and family traditions. But behind the twinkly lights lies a reality that many neurodiverse families quietly battle every year: the overwhelm, the sensory overload, the constant changes to routine, and the pressure to “just join in.”

If you know, you know.

The Season of Sensory Overload

For many neurodivergent children (and adults!), Christmas can feel like one long sensory explosion. The flashing lights, loud music in every shop, different smells from candles and food — it’s a lot.

My child once said, “It feels like my brain is full of fireworks I didn’t light.” And honestly, I get it.

We now keep a “calm corner” at home — a small, cosy space where lights are dimmed, noise is minimal, and there’s comfort in predictability. Ear defenders, soft blankets, fidget toys, and a familiar scent can work wonders. It’s our safe retreat when the world feels too loud.

When Routines Disappear

The school term ends, and suddenly… everything changes. Bedtimes shift, mealtimes vary, visitors appear, and there’s a general sense of chaos.

For children who rely on structure to feel safe, this can be really unsettling. So, we keep what I call our “anchor points” — consistent wake-up, meal, and bedtime windows that keep the day predictable, even when everything else isn’t.

We also use a simple visual schedule to show what’s happening that day. It helps my child feel more in control — and honestly, it helps me too.

Surprises Aren't Always Magical

While most children love surprises, for many neurodivergent kids they can trigger anxiety. We’ve learned to adapt the idea of “Christmas magic” into something that still feels safe.

We preview what’s coming — who we’ll see, where we’re going, what to expect — and give controlled choices:

“Would you like to open one present now or after breakfast?”

It helps my child feel empowered, not ambushed.

The Social Marathon

Christmas gatherings can be exhausting. So many people, so much small talk, so much pressure to “be sociable.” Masking — that quiet effort to fit in and seem “fine” — drains energy fast.

Now, we set limits before social events:

“We’ll stay for an hour, then we’ll leave when you give me our signal.”

We also make sure there’s no guilt for needing breaks. Sometimes, a few minutes of quiet Lego play or screen time is exactly what’s needed to reset.

Managing Family Expectations

This can be one of the hardest parts. Family members often have well-meaning but unrealistic expectations of how children “should” behave at Christmas — sitting still through long meals, hugging relatives, smiling for photos, saying the right thing when they open a gift.

But our children don’t fit neatly into those boxes. And that’s okay.

Before big family gatherings, I try to gently set expectations by saying something like:

“Please don’t take it personally if they don’t want to hug or seem quiet. It’s their way of coping.”

I’ve learned to advocate for my child rather than apologise for them. It took time, but I realised that my job isn’t to make others comfortable — it’s to help my child feel safe.

If someone comments, “They could at least say thank you,” I take a breath and remind myself that understanding often comes through education, not confrontation. A calm, simple response like:

“They’re processing in their own way — it’ll come later,” usually helps to diffuse tension.

It’s not about defending our parenting; it’s about protecting our child’s peace.

Gift Expectations & Comparisons

Gift-giving can be tricky, especially when children compare what they got with friends or siblings. We try to keep things realistic by having a “maybe list” rather than a long wish list — one main thing and a couple of smaller ideas.

I also remind myself (and my child) that everyone celebrates differently. What matters most isn’t the number of gifts, but the laughter and love that fill the room.

Making Our Own Kind of Magic

Some of our favourite Christmas traditions came from the years that felt hardest.

We’ve made homemade ornaments, baked biscuits for neighbours, had silly pyjama movie nights, and created scavenger hunts around the house. None of these things cost much — but they’ve become our version of Christmas magic.

Because for our family, it’s not about perfection. It’s about connection.

Looking After Yourself as a Neurodiverse Parent

Let’s be honest — it’s not just the kids who can find Christmas overwhelming. As a neurodiverse parent, the noise, expectations, social interactions, and sheer mental load can leave me utterly drained.

I’ve had Christmas Days where I’ve ended up hiding in the kitchen, taking deep breaths just to regulate myself. And I’ve learned that that’s okay.

You don’t have to hold it all together every moment.

Try to give yourself the same compassion you give your child.

• Plan quiet recovery days after busy ones.

• Protect your own sensory needs (bring earplugs, wear comfy clothes, dim the lights).

• Take 10-minute resets — step outside, stretch, breathe.

• Remind yourself that saying “no” or “not this year” is an act of self-preservation, not selfishness.

The calmer we are, the safer our children feel. Regulation is contagious — but so is dysregulation. So when I start to feel the pressure bubbling, I pause, breathe out slowly, and remind myself: “I don’t need to do everything to make it magical. I just need to be me.”

And that’s enough.

A Note for Other Parents Like Me

If this time of year feels big and overwhelming, please know — you’re not failing. You’re adapting. You’re tuning in to what your child needs, not what society expects. And that takes strength.

Give yourself grace. Say no to what doesn’t serve your family. Keep what brings peace.

And remember: your child doesn’t need a “perfect Christmas.” They need you — regulated, loving, and real.

Because that’s what they’ll remember long after the wrapping paper is gone.

Get your copy of "Transform Chaos to Calm at Christmas" and make this Christmas feel lighter, calmer and more meaningful!